Yesterday, i was a band guide for the North Forsyth Invitational for a certain band. All was going well unti lthey needed a generator... we had one; it was just incredibly heavy for me at the time so i had to get some help bringing it because i heard my ankle pop several times. i brought it back to them none the less and thier marching band show went on successfully, and they said i was a big help and that they would come back next year. i felt happy about that and when they left, i took my dinner break.
things went well (except for a few rumors that went on that arent true but im not at liberty to speak about them) until the award ceremony. i had to pass out awards with one of my more immature members of my section whom the other people in the marching band hate. he spits a lot and im not kidding about that.
but anyways, while im passing out awards with this redneck, i have to run back and forth through the line, and thins time, i hear more than popping- i heard my ankles crack several times, and by the time i get back to the band room, im limping and i cant go really fast. however, im told to go clean up the stadium. at the other side of the field, and when i get there, i sit down for a moment to catch my breath cause i ran all the way over from the band room. . then the pain hits, and all steps that i took afterward become more and more like someone is slicing the bottom of my feet. and as i sit in pain from the walking, an ignorant parent hands me a trash bag and tells me to go to the away side and clean it up.
i glare at him, then tell him, i dont fucking want to. but he doesnt care and thinks im physically fine to go take care of it
and when i do, he says its still trashy, and to go clean the invisibly dirty bus lot.
and by the time im done with all of this, i take off my shoe and my food is swollen.
and now its in bandages and i still cant put it down all the way.
so im still limping...
wonder how that will play out for me tomorrow...

omfg, i have no time anymore!!!
and my dad has PMS so much i dont care about talking to him, so he and i are fighting right now >>.<< !!!!!!
and about the smallest things too!!
for instance!
Friday- Saturday night, i was hanging out with my nii-chan and Draco-sama at her house for the night. we are all having a good time playing video games and watching crap loads of anime and when i get home, i find that dad wants to cook some italian dish and start preparing it early. i dont mind but all he wants me to do is clean dishes, and i do. begrudgingly.
next comes apple pie, and we have this sort of machine that is hand-cranked but peels apples in a spiral fashion none the less. however, this contraption is being used on apples 3 times bigger than its used to, so it stalls occasionally, and messes up. this doesnt work for dad however and insists that my little sis and i broke the machine (which isnt true) and gets mad. he then starts tearing at the machine and yellinig at the both of us that we shouldnt have broken it ( i swear if you took a small apple to it, it would work perfectly). Eventually he gives it up and i have to do it by hand while rotating it on the machine. He continues yelling while he makes the crust. he said something that really pissed me off, and i storm at him (in my head). while this is happening and hes yelling at me, i cut my finger to where it bleeds profusely. and he doesnt notice the large amount of blood present on my finger. so i finish cutting the apple with the other hand while i wrap my other hand in paper towels until i finish the last slice (and dont worry, none of my blood got on the apples but he yelled about that too). later on saturday night, Gaara-nii (my bestest friend in the world) calls to see if i can hang out with her for a while. so i go to ask dad, and he gives me lip saying to "go ahead and leave" like hes planning to yell again at me when i get home. i ask why and he says that he was planning to do something with me and my sisters, but it doesnt matter, "since i havent been home" and im thinking what the hell?!?!? if he was going to do something, why didnt he tell me, i dont know, 5 Fucking hours ago?! (i curse a lot in my head) that bitch!!! he acts like hes so high and mighty. and he doesnt even treat me like im his daughter! more like a bitchy fucking maid or a slave! that bitch! he doesnt let me go hang out with someone i havent seen in weeks when he wants me to stay home 24/7 saying i need to stay at home longer! and seriously he doesnt care whether or not im out- in fact, i think he actually hates Gaara-nii!!! which really pisses me off! its like he only approves of me having Draco-sama for a friend rather than Gaara whose been around longer! i love them both but i hate it that he doesnt appreciate my friends' individuality. its like he discriminates against goths of all type >>.<<!!!! fucking retard.
and then he grounds me out of the blue, until after three hours in which he does find out the truth and grounds megan. and hes still mad at me.

*sigh*
if i sound irrational, please tell me, cause i dont think i am.
it really cheeses me off.
but if you agree with me, pray do tell.

and judging that its almost 1:45 am here and school starts in a few hours, i should go off to bed, so i dont act completely annoying tomorrow.


blessed be until next time i see you all.
and to Gaara-nii and Draco-sama, im sorry that my father acts this way. and im soo glad im not related to him by blood.

For once, i'd like to laugh and be truly happy
my chest feels empty
like my hollow soul
For once, i'd like to cry and truly mourn
these tears are clear
lifeless, why bother?
For once, i'd like to love someone and forget myself
an emotionless mind
and a useless husk
For once, i'd like to be enraged and truly be angry
its all a lie
something pitiful and pathetic
For once, i want to smile and forget myself
im vain, worthless
a lame, decrepit shell
For once and forever now
I want to die
And drag my loved ones with me
as i descend into my personal hell.

I figure i should post at least one journal up about every 2 weeks to show that im still surviving the new environment.

so, as far as what i am doing now....
im starting to work on making and hemming clothes and patching them up to begin revamping stuff. i figure i need new things to try every once in a while.
its ok.
ive got two things to do:
i have to make my friend's 'home-made flair pants into a pair of skinny jeans;
and i have to make voodoo dolls for the same person.
so ive got something i can do now. so i dont mind as long as i am kept busy
my parents are watching minority repart... i listen to it, but it sounds a little wierd so it catches my attention.
ive also made a decision to lose weight now:
30 pounds by december/january which i hope i can do. i feel a little weighted down, considering i used to be at 115 pounds and quicker than i am now. im eating healthier, and if anyone has any -safe- ideas on how to loose weight or what might help slate my appetite, please contribute.
i havent started on my kumagaro (?) bunny yet, so ill probably start thinking about measurements tonight. i want to use my mom's Singer (c)to do all of this... ill ask her after i do all of my homework tomorrow. generally, i hang out with friends and do normal everyday things to keep my self happy on saturdays, and i do all my housework and homework on sunday.
it generally works if i dont rush it all.
grades came in this week:
APES: 85
Spa: no progress reports yet
Art: 110.15
English: 89, i think? not sure....
Band: 95
Theatre Arts: 101.25
PreCalc: 88
so im doing good for a starting point, now i have a goal to up everything that i can by 5 grade points at least.
dads a little iffy about me not turning in one assignment in all of my classes combined but ill take care of it monday.
went to the botanical gardens that are still in construction. it was beautiful!!! i hadn't guessed that the useless patch of dirt last year would be that fertile which odded me out a litte but it was still amazing!! if they hire next summer and i have a car, i will *totally* go out for a job there! i dont even care about how little or much they would pay me; id do it for free because it was so awe inspiring
oh and today, i met a fellow djembe player and he was shocked to know that i knew what the drum actually was. which made him happy so, instant friends i make. he was cool to hang out with. his name was Bryan. He was playing his djembe in the park while his friend (and now mine) Liz was dancing to it with hula hoops and a style of belly dancing which was fun to watch. turns out the two of them publish cds on such kinds of music and rock genre as well. which i admire. i like anyone really who is a percussioninst.
i picked up a few things and hes really dedicated to playing his djembe; i could tell by the skill he played with. and by watching him today, it made me want to practice on my djembe as well.
but dad has it at his school, so ill have to practice on the dumbek for now.
i listened to Davy Havok today (his cds rather), and i could feel his emotions as he sang his verses. the bass line and guitar riffs were all in accordance with each other, and the vocals absolutely matched it perfectly. it was very nice to listen to, and i hope i can find more of his earlier songs like that. i also listened to BassLine (i think), they are rea~lly good, and ive only really heard their one song "Devotion and Desire", and thats all i really need to hear to know that i should listen to more of their songs. I highly suggest them. oh and i forgot one thing: my art teacher is teaching us how to draw palm trees and face paint until we can get into the library. she also taought us how to draw umbrellas and clouds... yup Art 3/4 honors is pre~tty sophisticated, no?
....
wow....
i haven't typed this long a journal in ages....
maybe its because i had a really good day hanging out with my friend that i never see anymore.
i really like those days because i rarely have free time any more and next week, im going to be starting weight training for swim team *and* keep up with marching band and homework... i hope.
oh wells, it was nice getting on dA.
maybe if i can get teh scanner to like me, i can post some drawings up soon.
until then, blessed be. ^^
i need to finish painting my fingernails gunmetal grey.

Normally, i don't care much for the cutesy little things like a "normal" girly girl would, like pink dresses. i have no problem with them, its just not my favorite thing to think about. id rather stick with my neutral colors and comfortable cargo pants. don't care much about making myself look like a diva. but it doesn't mean i don't feel attracted to them.
but weird thing is, i want to make a plushie bunny. i don't know why either but around the same time i wanted to do this, i was starting to rewatch and start reading Gravitation... must be Ryuichi's fault.... oh wells. at least hes funny
~~~
we're starting on art projects next week. and im supposed to sign a contract this week on what media to use and what our subject should be....
i think i already picked them out though but im still up for options.
I chose Japanese culture for my subject, but i don't know what to start off with for media... maybe Sumi.
anyways, im babysitting the sisters tonight, so ill be on and off periodically. maybe ill stop by some shops tonight... maybe.
see ya
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